The Science Behind Emotional Intelligence and How It Affects Relationships

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognise, comprehend and effectively manage both your own emotions and those of others. This includes the ability to regulate your emotions and find appropriate ways to express them. .

How does this affect our interpersonal relationships? Consider it this way: how you connect with other people will directly depend on your capacity to comprehend and control your own emotions. Being emotionally intelligent will increase your ability to manage your emotions and communicate clearly.

The key to enduring personal relationships is emotional intelligence (EI), in large part because it sharpens our awareness of the continual changes—both significant and subtle—that take place in both ourselves and others. High emotional intelligence allows us to instinctively recognise the dynamics of our relationships. It also enables us to recognise the need for taking action through active awareness and sensitivity.

There are 5 key elements of emotional intelligence: 

• Self-awareness: With greater awareness of our own thoughts, behaviour and actions, we can reflect on our own abilities. Self-awareness can empower us  to realistically judge how to enhance both our skills and interpersonal relationships. 

• Self-regulation: More than only being able to understand their emotions, those with high emotional intelligence are also able to control them. People with high EI are less prone to overreact or inappropriately communicate their feelings and views. 

• Social awareness: Higher social awareness or the ability to be aware of other people's emotions and understand their point of view, contributes to EI. 

• Relationship management: The ability to manage relationships effectively, navigate difficult conversations, and resolve conflicts is a key component of emotional intelligence. 

• Empathy: People with high EI are able to empathise with others around them. They are better equipped to foster communication, support teamwork, and facilitate collaboration. 

What is the science behind emotional intelligence? 

It is believed that emotional intelligence is a skill that may be acquired over time. Like any other skill, emotional intelligence is something that can be developed. There are a few parts of the brain, especially the frontal cortex, that is associated with emotional intelligence. At various levels, emotional intelligence is linked to each of these brain regions. 

When it comes to the development of emotional intelligence, there are primarily three phases. At first, we identify our own or others, while attempting to understand our situation and context. Second, in terms of neuroscience, we try to use these emotions and apply them to the situation. Third, we manage different emotions. As each stage affects the latter, we can better manage our emotions if we are able to identify and understand them more accurately. 

How can EI strengthen your relationships?

Relationships are impacted, in equal parts, by our own and the other person’s emotional intelligence. People who have higher emotional intelligence are more likely to communicate well, show empathy, and consider the needs of others. These actions can strengthen friendships and promote harmony in relationships. 

For instance, when someone is able to identify the needs and feelings of another person, they are better equipped to offer support or have a fruitful conversation. A person may be more likely to make a great friend or partner if they have the capacity to comprehend how their words and deeds affect other people.

The ability to handle conflict maturely and without resorting to aggression or avoidance is another benefit of having higher emotional intelligence. People can obtain better results without jeopardising the stability of their relationship by empathising with others and acting compassionately when they disagree.

For professional tips on how to improve your relationships, read: Therapist-Recommended Tools to Improve Your Relationship. 

How can I build my emotional intelligence? 

Here are some tips to help you gain higher emotional intelligence and strengthen your relationships: 

• Practice self-awareness by observing your responses to various circumstances 

• You develop your self-awareness by learning to recognise when you're feeling certain emotions, such as feeling anxious or overwhelmed

• Know your emotional triggers to better manage your emotions by understanding when they are about to arise

• Be sure to pay attention and mindfully listen to what the other person is saying rather than just waiting for your moment to speak

• Don't be scared to express yourself honestly, even if it's difficult

Emotional intelligence is an important skill that plays a key role in our relationships. Mental health concerns or symptoms of conditions such as depression, anxiety, OCD or ADHD, can affect our daily life and our relationships. 

If you are experiencing any of these conditions or finding it challenging to manage your emotions and navigate your relationships, we encourage you to seek support and consult a therapist.