Supporting a Loved One With Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterised by unstable emotions, thoughts and relationships. Individuals with BPD may seem erratic and irrational, but their behaviour is rooted in faulty thought patterns and the fear of being rejected. While treatments like medication and psychotherapy are effective, support from others can also go a long way. 

Though you may want to support your loved one, it can be hard to know where to start. So, we've come up with some tips to help you be a part of your loved one's mental health journey.

Also read: Being a Great Friend: Helping Someone Through Trying Times

How to support someone with borderline personality disorder

Since individuals with BPD often have strained and unstable relationships, a formal diagnosis can seem like an added barrier. But there are various ways to strengthen your relationship and offer them support during this time. 

Feeling lost and not sure where to start? Here are some things that you can try:

Understand what Borderline Personality Disorder means

When a loved one is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it can be hard to understand what this journey may look like, for them and for you. By learning more about their condition, you can understand their emotional needs better and know ways to help them manage their symptoms. 

As you understand this condition better, it will help you provide your loved one with the care and support they need. Ensure you use verified information and resources to know how to approach your loved one with empathy and care. 

Learning more about BPD not only helps you understand your loved one's diagnosis better but also helps you know which treatment options to explore. Hence, learning more about the condition is one of the first steps in supporting your loved one.

Stay consistent and be trustworthy

BPD is characterised by fear of abandonment and mistrust. Hence, when supporting a loved one with BPD, it is important to keep in mind how these symptoms may affect your relationship. One way to help strengthen your relationship is consistency and trustworthiness.

Consistency is the foundation of trust; it shows your loved one that they can rely on you. Knowing how you can stay consistent can be challenging, but it is as simple as checking up on your loved one, spending time with them and following through on your commitments. While being consistent can be challenging at times, it can help your loved one feel more secure in your relationship.

Building trust in a relationship can be tough, you have to be open and honest in your communication, even when it is uncomfortable. Trustworthiness is not just about fulfilling your promises, but also saying no when you know you will not be able to follow through. 

When you are consistent and honest, it shows your loved one that you are dependable and trustworthy, which can go a long way in easing their fear of being left behind or deceived. 

Set healthy boundaries

While you may want to help your loved one as much as possible, it is crucial to keep your emotional needs in mind and set realistic expectations. By setting healthy boundaries, you can ensure that you are able to take care of yourself while supporting your loved one with their needs. 

Setting healthy boundaries helps you identify actions and behaviours that are unacceptable, such as physical or verbal abuse, and establish clear consequences for them. Healthy boundaries can also look like setting clear limits on how much time, effort, and energy you put into taking care of your loved one.

It's natural to want to take care of your loved one as much as you can, but setting healthy boundaries prevents burnout and resentment in the long run. Maintaining a healthy relationship involves taking time away from each other, and prioritising self-care, too. 

Encourage them to seek professional help

BPD is a complex mental health condition which requires professional care. With help from a mental health professional, it's easier to manage the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. However, the biggest challenge in encouraging your loved one to seek professional help may be their resistance to the idea, either due to stigma or because they do not think therapy is necessary for them.

To make it easy for your loved one to seek professional support, you can help them by collecting resources and information about mental health services available in your area. Besides traditional in-person therapy, online therapy platforms have made therapy much more accessible, as people can attend sessions from the comfort of their homes. 

Don't minimise their feeling

BPD is characterised by rapidly changing and intense emotions. Often, it can be hard to relate to the range of emotions such individuals go through in a day. When interacting with your loved one, it's better to validate their feelings rather than minimise them. 

Online support groups can also be an excellent resource for learning from others' experiences and connecting with those in the same situation.

Encourage responsibility

Although it may be tempting to help your loved one out of any trouble they encounter, it is best to encourage responsibility. Not only does it encourage trust in your relationship, but also allows you to step back and not take responsibility for things out of your control. 

Allow them to make their decisions and choose what's best for them.

Also read: What is Learned Helplessness?

Pay attention to threats of suicide

Individuals with BPD are at an increased risk of suicide or self-harm. Unfortunately, since this mental health condition is also characterised by attention-seeking behaviour, threats of suicide or self-harm are often ignored. If you're loved one talks about suicide or harming themselves, it is vital to recognise they aren't being manipulative, but maybe going through an emotional turmoil. 

Keeping suicide helpline numbers or having a mental health counsellor on call can be beneficial for such instances. 

Seek support for yourself

When helping a loved one, it is crucial to understand your limits. Don't hesitate to find a support system for yourself. Make sure you have help available, either from those around you, online support groups or by accessing therapy yourself. 

Remember, you can't fill from an empty cup. 

Also read: Cultivating Hope In Our Lives

Although living with BPD can be a challenging journey, it is possible to get help. Understanding the best ways to support your loved one is crucial to give them the push they need to start their mental health journey. Remember, with effective treatment and help, they can get better and build healthier relationships. 

Sources: 

1. Churchill, A. (2023, January 10). 9 Strategies for Supporting Someone with BPD. Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute. https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/9-strategies-supporting-bpd-2/
2. Kvarnstrom, E. (2020, October 25). 8 best tips for how to cope with a loved one's borderline personality disorder. Bridges to Recovery. Retrieved January 26, 2023, from https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/8-best-tips-how-to-cope-loved-ones-borderline-personality-disorder/ 
3. How to help a loved one with borderline personality disorder, part 1. (2016, May 17). Psych Central. Retrieved January 26, 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-help-a-loved-one-with-borderline-personality-disorder-part-1
4. Lawn, S., & McMahon, J. (2015). Experiences of family carers of people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Journal of psychiatric and mental health nursing, 22(4), 234-243.
5. Pompili, M., Girardi, P., Ruberto, A., & Tatarelli, R. (2005). Suicide in borderline personality disorder: a meta-analysis. Nordic journal of psychiatry, 59(5), 319-324.