Reparenting in Therapy: Can It Be Helpful for You?

'Reparenting' originated in transactional therapy, which uses a psychodynamic approach to help improve individuals' emotional well-being. This technique stems from the belief that many psychological issues stem from a difficult or unfulfilling childhood, where the child's needs are not met. As the child feels insecure and unloved, they may grow up to be adults who do not have the skills to navigate usual adult relationships.

Earlier, reparenting meant living in mental health institutions where therapists would act as surrogate parents. But today, this technique has progressed to ‘self-reparenting’.

In this article we take you through what self-re-parenting is, and whether you should consider this approach in improving your mental well-being.

Also read: The Science Behind Emotional Intelligence and How It Affects Relationships

What is self-reparenting?

Self-reparenting was introduced in the 1970s by Dr Muriel James. According to her, individuals often enter their parents 'ego state’, that is, they adopt their parent's way of thinking, feeling, and behaving, unconsciously. For example, if you often find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, such as "I am incapable of doing things right" or, "I should not have done that", you may be entering your parents' ego state.

Through reparenting, however, she sought to help an individual reduce their reliance on their parents' ego state and restructure it more productively. She encouraged individuals to use self-reparenting to adapt their parent ego state, and restructure it using helpful, rather than hurtful, language.

Self-reparenting is an extensive and intentional process that requires assistance from an experienced therapist. With their guidance, you can explore, clarify, and adjust hurtful thought patterns. Using self-reparenting techniques, you can change negative inner dialogues, to positive and healthier ones.

Also read: How Can Therapy Help in Improving Self-Esteem When Depressed?

Is self-reparenting helpful?

Self-reparenting can be an excellent way to address the unfulfilling parts of your childhood and show your inner child some love. It is not a tool for pushing blame on your parents. Rather, it can be a way for you to understand your parents, and yourself, better.

Here are some ways self-reparenting can help you improve your emotional well-being.

Changing how you view yourself

One of the key steps in self-re-parenting is identifying negative inner dialogue and transforming them into healthier thoughts. Using this technique, you can begin to understand and work towards adopting an honest, positive, and healthy view of yourself. 

Improving your communication

Good communication skills are key to healthy relationships, with others and yourself. Since individuals learn communication skills early on in their lives, self-reparenting can be an excellent tool to relearn healthy communication skills. 

Setting healthy boundaries

People-pleasing traits often develop in childhood, where children learn to please their parents while not understanding what their own needs may be. As adults, individuals may continue to ignore their needs in favour of others, setting unhealthy boundaries.

With self-reparenting, individuals can not only learn how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries but also inculcate a sense of self-respect as they establish how they want to be treated.

With this technique, you can learn how to be kinder to yourself, and those around you. With the help of an expert, you can work toward understanding your needs and fulfilling them.

Also read: How Self-Compassion Can Help Treat Mental Health Disorders and Addiction

Self-reparenting is not merely a corrective measure; you don't need to have a difficult childhood or experience severe mental health problems to benefit from it. The skills learned by using this technique can be helpful for any individual and help them understand themselves better.

Sources:

1. https://www.verywellmind.com/reparenting-in-therapy-5226096

2. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/reparenting-therapy-why-consider-it/#:~:text=Reparenting%20%E2%80%94%20also%20called%20'limited%20reparenting,needs%20or%20lack%20of%20affection.

3. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/what-is-reparenting.htm

4. https://www.wellandgood.com/reparenting-therapy/