Recognising the Signs: Understanding Vulnerable or Covert Narcissism

It's not easy to understand and come to terms with the fact that you may be experiencing vulnerable or covert narcissism. However, recognising these traits in yourself can be the first step towards growth and self-improvement. If you have been feeling insecure, self-doubtful, and in need of admiration, know that you are not alone in your struggles.

Here are some signs that may indicate you are experiencing vulnerable or covert narcissism:

Sensitivity to criticism and rejection

Criticism and rejection can be difficult for anyone to handle, but they can trigger intense emotions in individuals with vulnerable or covert narcissism. This sensitivity is often rooted in a deep-seated fear of not being good enough, which can lead you to avoid situations where you might be criticised or rejected. It's important to understand that this fear is not a reflection of your worth as a person and that criticism and rejection are part of life's challenges.

Perfectionism

If you have very high standards for yourself and others, and constantly strive for perfection and control in your environment, know that this is a common trait in individuals with vulnerable or covert narcissism. While striving for excellence is commendable, it's important to remember that perfectionism can lead to stress and burnout, and it's okay to make mistakes and not have everything under control all the time.

Need for admiration

Despite an introverted demeanour, one may still have a strong need for admiration and attention, which is a characteristic of vulnerable or covert narcissism. However, when this need becomes excessive or distorted, it can lead to unhealthy behaviours and negatively impact relationships with others. A person with a strong need for admiration may engage in attention-seeking behaviours, have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, or struggle with feelings of inadequacy. This need for admiration can sometimes lead to conflicts and difficulties in relationships, so it's important to find healthy and positive ways to cope with this need. If this is something that affects you, reach out to a couples therapist.

Lack of empathy

One may find it difficult to understand and connect with the emotions of others. This is a common trait in individuals with vulnerable or covert narcissism. However, with effort and self-reflection, it is possible to develop empathy and strengthen your relationships with others.

Feelings of depression and anxiety

People with covert narcissism have a higher risk of depression and anxiety than other types of narcissists. Because of a deep fear of failure and frustration over unrealised perfectionistic ideals, they may struggle with feeling empty or even suicidal.

Difficulty with relationships

Do you struggle in relationships, with the need for admiration and control often leading to conflict and mistrust? Do you struggle with intimacy and find it difficult to connect with others on an emotional level? These difficulties in relationships can be challenging, but it's important to remember that they are not a reflection of your worth as a person. With patience, understanding, and self-reflection, you can work towards improving your relationships and finding more fulfilling connections with others.

If you have been experiencing any of the above signs, know that you are not alone in your struggles and that it is possible to work towards growth and self-improvement. It's important to seek support from loved ones, a therapist, or a support group, and to be gentle and patient with yourself as you work towards a more fulfilling future.

If you suspect that a loved one may have covert narcissism, help them seek professional help. 

Also read: Understanding and Managing Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Sources:

"The Covert Narcissist: How Shy, Introverted Types Can Be Narcissists Too" by Shahida Arabi, published on Thought Catalog

"Vulnerable Narcissism: A New Perspective on Narcissism" by Joshua D. Miller and Marsha M. Linehan, published in the Journal of Personality Disorders

"Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment" - DSM-V, American Psychiatric Association.