Five Ways To Manage Your Expectations in Addiction Recovery

Addiction recovery is a gradual process. The beginning can be a time of hope and optimism - you’re learning to master your triggers, and perhaps a sense of normalcy is returning. The future looks hopeful and full of promises. 

It is exactly at this moment that it becomes important to manage your expectations. 

Expectations about recovery - especially in the early stages - have a tendency to be overly positive (‘this is easy’, ‘all my problems will be over soon’). But if there is one thing that is true about living with addiction, it is that recovery is not a linear process. There are good days, where everything seems conquerable, and then there are bad days when you find yourself revisiting old patterns or struggling with past triggers.

Frustrating though that may sound, as anyone recovering from addiction will tell you - ‘the ups and downs are simply a part of the process!’

Therefore, setting realistic expectations can make the road to recovery easier and can help prevent unnecessary stress, self-blame, or anger. 

What are realistic expectations?

Picture this: Someone you know is on the path to recovery from addiction. They are managing pretty well, until one day something happens, and they find themselves back at square one. There are two possibilities here-one is that they think of themselves as weak or incapable and begin to lose hope; or two, where they remember that relapse is a common part of recovery and almost everyone goes through it, irrespective of strength or abilities.

Realistic expectations look a lot like possibility two.

Also read: Answers to Your Questions About Mobile Phone Addiction.

They involve having a clear, practical idea of what the journey ahead can look like and preparing oneself for it. Setting realistic expectations can also help -

1. Prepare self to deal with setbacks
2. Avoid surprises and curveballs
3. Instil more patience
4. Monitor your progress more accurately

How To Manage Expectations

Setting realistic expectations is all about goldilocks-esque management - the bar shouldn’t be too high or too low! To get you started, here are five ways in which you can manage your expectations-

1. Manage expectations regarding 'Sobriety' 

In order to set realistic expectations, it is important to fully understand what sobriety means. Sobriety involves more than simply avoiding a substance. It includes managing triggers - physical and emotional, practising adaptive coping skills, and committing to a healthy lifestyle. 

Try to understand and accept the larger picture of sobriety. Not only will it help you be better prepared for what’s ahead, it can also help you keep your cool during difficult times. 

2. Manage expectations regarding ‘Relapse’

Beginning recovery with the expectation of relapsing can seem counterintuitive. But the truth is that relapse is a very real possibility, especially during the initial stages when you might be experiencing various conflicting emotions such as uncertainty, fear, excitement, and self-doubt. 

Remind yourself that relapse is not a sign of failure, but instead an opportunity to reassess your recovery plan and adapt it to your current needs. 

A few other strategies to manage your expectations and feelings regarding relapse can include-

• Discussing the possibility with a sponsor or loved one. 
• Writing your feelings down
• Making Sober Friends
• Learning from the disappointment

3. Manage expectations regarding 'Addiction'

‘Addiction’ is a loaded word. Some people associate it with personal shortcomings or an unshakeable habit, while others view it as an indulgence which can ‘quickly’ and ‘easily’ be recovered from. Neither belief is true. 

Being realistic about what addiction is and what you can expect from your recovery journey is essential to avoid disappointment. Remember: addiction is not a reflection of your worth. It is a disease which can be treated with some patience and perseverance. 

4. Manage expectations about ‘the self as an addict’

A huge part of recovery is reframing how you perceive yourself. Many individuals who live with addiction hold deep-rooted beliefs about themselves and their relationship with substances. Beliefs such as ‘my friends prefer me intoxicated’, or ‘life is more fun when under the influence’ are common and can hinder the recovery process. 

Identifying and challenging these beliefs can help you view yourself in a more favourable way and help create realistic expectations about the self. 

5. Manage expectations regarding ‘Sober Life’

Expectations about sober life ‘post’ recovery can be misleading. Many people expect 

• Everything to go back to ‘normal’ post recovery
• All their problems (financial, marital) to automatically get better post recovery
• To be ‘perfect’ post recovery
• For there to be a ‘clear’ post recovery period

Also read, Gaming Addiction: A Wake-Up Call for All Parents.

In reality, recovery from addiction is a lifelong process. While things will definitely get easier with time, some ups and downs are bound to happen. Being aware of the realities of ‘sober life’ can make the process more manageable. 

When it comes to addiction recovery, things might not always be easy, but they will always be worthwhile. If you find yourself feeling demotivated or stuck, try to remind yourself of this line from the serenity prayer-

“Give me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I cannot accept”

While the ups and downs of the process must be accepted, our expectations can certainly be changed! Set realistic expectations to help you and your loved one navigate the journey to recovery as smoothly as possible.

References: 

Bagley, B. (2017, January 31). Addiction Recovery Stories. Purple Treatment. https://www.purpletreatment.com/journal/2017/1/2/expectations-are-premeditated-resentments 

Keys. (2017, January 6). Setting Realistic Expectations in Addiction Recovery |. 12 Keys. https://www.12keysrehab.com/unrealistic-expectations/#ch3 

Managing Sobriety Resentments and Expectations | HealthyPlace. (2015, March 12). healthyplace.com. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2015/03/managing-expectations-and-resentments-in-sobriety 

M. (2018, February 8). What came first, the alcohol, or the alcoholic thinking? American Addiction Centers. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/alcoholic-thinking