ADHD is my superpower…or is it?

Creativity has always been my superpower. As a writer in advertising, it didn’t just fuel my interest in doing work, but also fuelled my actual career of selling great ideas that can grab the right person’s attention. 

In the first few months of my career at a well-known advertising giant, this superpower made me a great intern. I would do everything that was needed, and go above and beyond for the work I was assigned. In my mind, it solved both of my biggest problems: my tiny attention span and my desire to prove to myself (and then, also to my loved ones) that I could be a great working professional. I worked for hours in the same sitting position, getting up just for coffee, food and washroom breaks. Soon enough, I was working at the dinner table, spending nights at the office and talking about my work to everyone I knew.

Also read: How Work and Life Can Coexist

To the outside world, it seemed like I was doing great. My loved ones proudly boasted about my work and I was also getting great feedback from my supervisors. My partner would accommodate my needs by bringing me dinner and picking me up from work. I thought I was doing it all right. But I wasn’t. 

After many months of exercising this creative muscle, I started noticing a dip in my mental health. I would wake up feeling exhausted each day and scroll on my phone for hours before sleeping at night. I started attending work calls on vacations and not knowing how to refuse extra work. I was burnt out.

Also read: Assertiveness Techniques for Those Who Find It Hard to Say “No”

Soon enough, I quit the job. With a “Rookie of the year” award and coveted brands mentioned in my CV, I walked out of my first job. That’s how I would have described my exit then. Today I know that it wasn’t worth it. 

I needed months to recover from the exhaustion of those 2 years, the distance it created in my relationships and my self-worth.

Also read: Your Productivity Doesn’t Define Your Worth

All my life, I had been called an inspiration for my “high-functioning ADHD”. And I thrived on this validation. I was put on a pedestal for my overdrive and I truly believed that I was nothing without it. As a result, I spent two entire years putting my ability to perform before my right to rest. Because of my time blindness, I didn’t think twice before overcommitting to a task, but I also retreated to the darkest corners of my thoughts when I wasn’t able to deliver on what I promised. 

Thanks to years of therapy support, I now know that I was going through something called ADHD burnout: a cycle of overcommitment and internalised shame when you can’t perform at your optimal level. It happens to many of us with ADHD, especially those who performed excellently in high school or college. I thought of my ADHD symptoms (hyperfocus, bursts of creativity, passion for a new project) as my superpower - so I could navigate other challenges that come with the disorder.

Also read: 3 Common Questions About Diagnosis & Treatment For Adult ADHD

Finding emotional support for ADHD symptoms as an adult changed my life, and it can change yours too (medication might play a role there as well).

Also read: How Therapy Can Help Adults With ADHD

If you resonate with this, I urge you to find help. You are more than your ADHD symptoms. Your superpower is you.