Understanding Relationship OCD: How to Recognise and Treat It

Relationships are unique to each individual and make our lives worth living. However, sometimes, being in a romantic relationship comes with various feelings of doubt or insecurity. While these can be healthy to some extent, they could become hurtful if not controlled or dealt with. 

People in a relationship might have a fear of commitment, have insecurities, and might need endless reassurance from their partner. They may also second-guess their choices. All these emotions and feelings - when turned extreme-can indicate the subset of OCD, “Relationship OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)”. Individuals with ROCD might constantly overthink, and have repeated thoughts, (obsessions) that lead to repeated behaviours (compulsions). Let’s go through the disorder in detail to know more about it.

Learn All That You Need to Know About Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

What are the Relationship OCD symptoms?

All of us deal with intrusive thoughts front time to time. This doesn’t indicate that we have ROCD. The symptoms of OCD in relationships cause extreme stress, anxiety, and discomfort for a prolonged period. These symptoms can make it difficult to enjoy your relationship. Some relationship OCD symptoms could look like this:

• Endless answer-seeking: You might constantly ask questions to your partner about their whereabouts, their next activity, or any minor incident. This could be due to your constant anxiety and worry about being uncertain and mistrusting your partner if they don’t keep you informed. 

• Endless rumination: You may constantly think about how your partner behaves, and how they react when you say something, even if the conversation was not important, you may end up thinking about it for hours. 

• Repetitive thoughts: Your mind may constantly have thoughts like, “Am I good enough for them?”, “Did they just say that they love me when they really don’t?”, “Is my partner coming late on purpose? Do they have someone else?”, “They didn’t say they love me today, does that mean it’s over?”

• Focus on the bad: You may also start thinking about your partner’s qualities and have trouble overlooking even the slightest flaw. If you or your parents make a mistake, you might find it extremely difficult to get over it. This may cause extreme stress and worry. 

• Constant reassurance: You might constantly seek reassurance from your partner, your friend, or your family regarding whether this relationship is okay and if it's the right choice. You might also be obsessed with having the “perfect” relationship. This might lead to endless cycles of asking others for reassurance and validation about your relationship.

• Comparison: You might also compare your relationship or your partner to other people.

• Sexual dysfunction: ROCD can make it difficult to maintain sexual intimacy with your partner. Factors affecting sexual dysfunction could be reduced sexual excitement or inhibition due to the threat of performance failure. One might also fear the consequences of being contaminated with a sexually transmitted disease. Apart from this, you may also focus on their levels of arousal as proof of feelings or lack thereof.

What Are Relationship OCD Causes?

While the relationship OCD causes is uncertain, it might arise from the obsession with the relationship itself and the fear of losing their partner. Some of the relationships OCD causes include:

• Underlying signs of OCD 

• Fear of abandonment

• Biological/ genetic factors

• Environmental factors

• Learned behaviours

• Catastrophic thinking patterns.

Dealing With Relationship OCD

While having ROCD can cause feelings of distress and make you feel overwhelmed, learning about it and being aware can help you overcome it. Being a subset of OCD, the treatment of ROCD can include combining medication and therapy. Therapy techniques can consist of:

• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): This is the most preferred and commonly used therapy for ROCD. CBT can help you identify and challenge their obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. This can lead to developing better, and adaptive coping strategies.

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This falls under CBT which gradually exposes you to the factors that trigger your obsessive thoughts. You can then learn ways to resist the urge to engage in compulsive behaviours.

Medications can also help calm your intrusive thoughts. Your psychiatrist can prescribe antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) which can be effective in reducing the relationship OCD symptoms.

While it can be difficult, it is important to understand that ROCD is highly treatable when healed with the right support. You can overcome your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours associated with ROCD. A mental health professional can help you with a treatment plan that is suitable for you.